Until now, I could not think of a time growing up when my sister Kami seemed truly happy. In the process of figuring out who she is, she has made poor decisions that have made for a life as dramatic as a Lifetime movie. So nearly a year ago when I found out that she was stuck in a love triangle, I was not surprised.
Kami shuts people out when she’s overwhelmed, so one night after work I forced her to meet me for dinner so we could talk about her latest drama.
Over a steaming bowl of Mongolian barbecue, I started the conversation.
“I know that you like Trina,” I said.
Kami didn’t seem to know what to say at first. She had been dating Mike at the time and had even been shopping for a ring, but the whole time I knew she didn’t love him.
Sometimes I think that I knew my sister was gay before she would admit it to herself. I remember when she was in middle school I found a scrap torn off of a book cover sitting on a shelf. One side of the paper was multi-colored and shiny, the other side was plain white and had the name Jennifer written neatly in pencil inside a heart. That was over 10 years ago.
I sat there, watching Kami carefully plan what she was going to say next, as if her words were dancing around landmines.
All I wanted to know is what she was going to do, I told her. If she liked Trina, then she had to break it off with Mike.
Kami sat silent again, not to think out her next move, but to absorb the fact that this was easier than she thought it would be.
“So you’re OK with it?” she asked, just to double check that there wasn’t some kind of misunderstanding.
I told her that I remembered that scrap of paper and had known she was gay for years. She seemed to breathe freely for the first time.
“I knew you would come around eventually,” she said, “but I thought I might have to convince you a bit first.”
Hearing her say that upset me. No matter how close we had been, and how well we knew each other, she still doubted my ability to accept her.
My sister’s hesitation was validated when Trina came out to her family. Trina was equally close to her sister as Kami and I, but she threatened to disown Trina if the relationship continued. I cannot imagine the pain that kind of ultimatum inflicts on a person.
Now I’m embarrassed about how naïve I was to feel hurt over Kami’s uncertainty. Though progress has been made toward acceptance and equality, it is far from absolute.
Just last week a taxi driver refused service to a gay couple after seeing them hug in the back seat, stated the New York Post.
I am proud that my sister is able to deal with this kind of adversity on a daily basis, but more than anything I am just glad to see that she is finally happy.
